The Ultimate Recipe for Getting Upset

It was strange. The group chat that used to be loud suddenly went silent. No new messages, no jokes, nothing.

But then one day, you saw a WhatsApp story of your friend. It is a screenshot of a group chat. They’re cracking jokes and having fun.

Same group name, same members, it was almost like a second version of the abandoned one. Except for one thing, you’re not in it.

Why do we feel upset?

When you think back to moments when you felt upset, you’ll realize that most of the time, it was because of other people’s actions.

You feel upset when your friends create a group chat without you. You feel upset when someone unfollows you on Instagram. You feel upset because X does Y.

In some way, you were expecting specific behavior from the other party.

When this expectation was not met, you felt upset.

There’s nothing wrong with having expectations. The issue arises when you expect something from the wrong person.

Understanding Other People’s Roles in Your Life

Before you go full blast setting expectations for other people, you need to know who they are in your life.

Getting clear on this will give you an idea of what to expect.

if she/he is your lover, it’s normal to expect care and attention from them. On the other hand, you wouldn’t expect a total stranger to give you the same care and attention.

If you feel like you’re being excluded from a friend group, you may need to contemplate their role in your life and set your expectations accordingly.

Roles can change with context

Even after you have figured out their main role in your life, it is important to note that their role can change with context.

One example that can explain this concept well is a friend who runs a business.

It is common to hear stories about a business owner being asked for a discount by their companion, just because they are their companion.

This happened because they mistook their friend for a friend and not a business owner. The role and boundaries weren’t clear enough.

In this situation, it is not appropriate to ask for a discount using their status as a friend.

While he is a friend, he is also a person who puts effort into running a business,a business owner. They must make their role clear and behave accordingly.

If you are interested in reading the subreddit, I’ve attached the link to it here.

Final Thought

On a final note, getting clear on other people’s roles can also help you set personal boundaries. When two people understand their place in a social interaction, it becomes easier for both to behave appropriately. So, the moment you step into a social interaction, remember to make the roles clear.

Thank you for reading!